Sail Naked

[Slrman]

Sail Naked

by

Jim Smith

At a sailing club breakfast awhile back, some of us began discussing our worst sailing experiences.  One person, whom I shall call Bob because he'd kill me if I used his real name, had this to tell.

It was a bright June day when Bob and a friend (female) went to a local lake for a mid-week sail.  "There won't be many boats, and it's supposed to be breezy," Bob promised.  He was half right (not bad for Bob).  There weren't many boats.  There also wasn't any wind.  The temperature was well over the hundred-degree mark and it was getting very warm on the boat. 

"Let's go skinny-dipping," Bob leered.

"No way, there's other boats out here," the friend protested.

"Ahh, they're a mile away.  I'm going in."  Bob slipped off his trunks and jumped over the stern.  Then, you guessed it, the wind began to blow; gently, but steadily.  Bob had left the main sheet cleated and his boat began to sail away from him, just slightly faster than he could swim.

"Turn the boat!"

"I don't know how," she yelled back.  Suddenly, it seemed like a bad dream.  Alone, naked, in the middle of the lake.  OK, I can wake up now.  I'm ready to wake up.  Now's the time to wake up.

Two couples in a stinkpot saw what was happening.  OK, they didn't see everything, most of Bob was still underwater.  They sped to the rescue.  "Get in, we'll take you to your boat." 

Bob was suddenly taken with a fit of modesty.  Or maybe he felt he'd revealed enough of his shortcomings for one day.  At any rate, he declined to get in the boat.  Finally, he admitted that he didn't have a suit. 

They all laughed.  "That's OK, we'll lend you a towel."  Still too embarrassed, but tiring of treading water with his legs crossed, Bob asked them to throw him a rope and tow him to his boat, by now about a half  mile away.

They threw him a ski rope.  Unfortunately, they thought he also had the skis and towed him at about 30 miles per hour.  At water speeds above 15 miles per hour the human body suddenly recalls its previous existence as an amphibian and dives for the bottom.  With Bob porpoising up and down like a giant fishing lure, they blasted down the lake toward the xxxxxxxx.  Oops, almost gave the name of his boat.  Well, they all made it, the two shrieking couples in the power boat and Bob, looking like an old towel left out in the rain.  I don't know how much water Bob swallowed, but I hear the rangers received complaints about the drop in the lake level.

Well, after hearing Bob's story, none of the rest of us had anything to say.  Quite a guy, Bob.  He ruined a day of sea stories in five minutes.

[Zen]

hahahah too funny!

[Amorous]

Had a similiar experience when 16 and had finally come up with the perfect plan to get her out of those jeans.  Not 10 minutes later a boat came flying our way from across the lake.  She ran and hurriedly put her clothes back on while I stayed in the water and tried to convince her that they just couldn't be coming over here!  Well, they did and politely asked if we would come help them find the husbands glasses that had been dropped overboard. I told them no until they offered to pay us $100.  "Uh, darlin, could you toss me my shorts please?"  The look on their faces when they realized what they had done was priceless!

[Pixie Dust]

You guys crack me up.  Now I know what was going through Boy Brains.... "the Big Brain"  all these years.    ::)
As a female, this is pretty entertaining!! 

Is the underlying message here.....if naked, stay on the boat.....  or always keep your pareo handy.   ;D

[CapnK]

Hey Slrman -

"Bob"  <- 3 letters
Jim      <- 3 letters

Riiiiighttt... ;) :D

Amo - way to bargain! And way to go, making sure they left ASAP after you found the glasses! ;D

[Slrman]

Hey, it wasn't me, honest.  Not that I don't sail naked any chance I get, but not that time.  And definitely not with that particular woman!  LOL

Before you even ask, yes, I have the pictures to prove it and no, I am not posting them on here, you prevert!   :-[

[starcrest]

actually as per previos posts I never sail completely in the raw.I always wear atleast foot protection.....afterall...I woulnt want to catch my......"TOE" on a cleat,,,or sumpin'

[JimYoung]

I am aware that this is an old post, but I am new to this forum and found the post in a general perusal of the site.  It brings back a memory of a beautiful afternoon down wind sail in Hawks Channel just off the Keys. My wife and I were enjoying the day "skinny sailing" along, Buffet playing on the sound system, no one in sight, when out of the blue.... Zingggggggg the rod that we always have on board with the lure that hardly ever catches anything except seaweed is making all kinds of noise!

My wife jumps to free the sails while I attempt to bring in this monster fish which turns out to be a 40 - 45 lb. Wahoo. We get it into the cockpit where it is flopping around vicariously flashing some very impressive teeth at two completely nude sailors (as in NOT fishermen). We eventually subdue the beast by throwing a cockpit cushion over him and with both of us standing on the cushion so the beast doesn't escape, we take a deep breath and survey our situation. All is great except just off our port side is a 40' Hatteras fishing boat that had happened upon the spectacle with several very intrested spectators.  After finding towels to cover ourselves, which allowed for a temporary escape of our future dinner, we received a standing ovation from our guests before their polite departure.

My wife and I to this day look at each other and smile in silent memory when ever the word "Wahoo" is spoken.

Fair winds,
Jim

[AdriftAtSea]

I obviously missed this thread earlier... but ROFLMAO at the two stories...

[Bill NH]

OK, I'll be the one to ask...  ROFLMAO ?    ???

[AdriftAtSea]

Rolling on floor laughing my ass off.

Sometimes is seen as ROTFLMAO... which is Rolling On The Floor, Laughing My Ass Off. :)