Cruise - aka Carolina Keith - Memorial Thread

[Captain Smollett]

I was very saddened to learn, via text message this morning, that Keith has, in fact been found. As naively romantic as it may sound, I continued to blow on the spark of hope that he was yet to be located ok.

Reading the "Missing Sailor" thread here on sailfar this morning, it dawned on me that I am one of the few here that has actually met him in person. Though I did not know him well, I'd like to take a moment to share what, through quiet contemplation this morning, impact Keith has had on my life.

And please, forgive me if this is disjointed ... this is not a prepared statement.  It's stream of thought.

I only met Keith face-to-face for about five minutes.  He was anchored at Oriental, NC, and I was in the dinghy heading across the Neuse River to my boat anchored in South River.  Here are my impressions.

I have, for quite some time, been very, very angry at the Internet.  For some reason, this medium of communication brings out the worst in a lot of people.  A wonderful resource to share information is also used to pass disinformation, bully and pander to the lowest common denominator. Check out the comments on just about any youtube video if you don't know what I mean.

But, what about sailfar?  Is it simply one branch of the same cesspool of low class? Is there any potential for real relationships, real friendships, that can spawn from an Internet forum? Or are we doomed to hide behind screens and keyboards, typing non-emotionally laced cold fonts without the threads of human interaction?

I recently heard of a study in which it was found that younger 20-somethings are having a hard time forming real human relationships - friendships, romance, etc - due to the non-human communications of text, email and online typed content. They have not formed the skills to read non-verbal clues and nuance.  While also angry at this, I was also deeply saddened...a whole generation ripped away from humanity by technology?  Wow.

But there is another side to all this (and what it has to do with Keith I am, believe it or not, getting to). I have met quite a number of sailfar members over the years, more than any other forum I've frequented.  And, perhaps naively, I consider those friendships some of the closest friends I have.  Is that pathetic?

Well, no, not really.  Not in my opinion, at least. See, the depth of a friendship cannot be measured in "time spent" (as I've posted before).  I cannot claim a CLOSE friendship with Keith, but here is what I can claim.

I met Keith for about five minutes.  In that five minutes, I saw a man thrilled to be alive, thrilled to be living on his boat, thrilled to be breathing the fresh air of "outside" every day. I saw a man smile, an animated smile, not a static image captured by CCD or light sensitive CMOS.  I heard his voice and the inflections. I saw the hand gestures, the body language of excitement over being aboard his relatively new-to-him boat.

I can't fully explain the "why," but I felt CONNECTED to Keith in that five minutes.  The why does not really matter at all, as I think about it.

But from that five minutes, I now come to sailfar and read what he wrote.  His messages on the board, the PM's behind the scenes, honoring a request to post a picture for him, etc.  "Cruise" is not a faceless screen name, he's a man with an animated smile and deep felt love for being on his boat and living on the water.

The really funny thing is, and why I find this brain dump a memorial to him on this day, is that looking back on it all, I actually remember thinking all of this around the time I met him.  I remember thinking at that time, "How can I feel a friendship for someone I just met and only met for five minutes?" As asocial and shy and hard-to-make friends as I am, how could I be calling him "friend" that easily?

There's no easy answer to that question.  It could get very spiritual, very deep.  Or troubling. But one part is that I didn't JUST know him that five minutes.  I have his posts here.  I have his blog.  I have all the glimpses he has shared with me, and those are only enhanced by having met him in person, even for only five minutes.

So, this was Keith's gift to me: his friendship and the sharing of his life, his precious moments.  Not just shared with me, but with ALL of us. They only became more pointed having met him...hearing a voice read the words (other than my own inner monologue), seeing the smile, feeling the excitement.

I'll miss you Keith.  Thank-you for helping me see the connections we form online CAN be just real, just as solid, at least as beginnings.  May the sanding be fair and the paint be durable on your lasting journey.  I will miss you deeply, my friend.

[s/v Faith]

Thank you for posting that John.  I really appreciate it, and I have experienced the same thing.

In this largely disconnected world, it is often difficult to connect.  I am thankful for the opportunities...  What a fitting memorial comment to Keith.

Fairwinds,

[Kettlewell]

Very well said. I have felt the same connection with sailors met for only a brief period, but who I would call my friend and I think they would honor me in the same way. That is one of the great aspects of cruising and boating in general. When you share a love of an experience so deeply you have a strong bond even before you meet, so the act of meeting, whether online or in person, just confirms that relationship.

[CharlieJ]

Agree completely. I've made many many very good friends over the years, starting with meeting on the sailing forums.

[CapnK]

A Grog for ya, John.

Your thoughts bring to mind this one, which I have oft pondered, and always felt to be true:

?The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.?

― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

[Captain Smollett]

A Grog for ya, John.

Your thoughts bring to mind this one, which I have oft pondered, and always felt to be true:

?The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.?

― Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah

Beautiful.  Thanks for posting that.  "Joy in each other's life" is exactly at the heart of what I was trying to say.

[Jim_ME]

Overboard

You said goodbye
To friends again
And pulled the oar
Toward floating home
As countless times before
With days ahead
And ports to roam

Something went wrong
No one knows why
In dark cold water
You'd somehow fly
And reached instead
An island shore nearby
Cold and wet
Your clothes you shed
Just out there
The cabin called
All snug and dry
The choice to dread
To slowly freeze alone
Or try

You never made it
Perhaps got close
To warmth inside
A deck too high
Shouts for help
heard
Someone will remember later
Unanswered

Indifferent water
Draws heat away
Then strength
Hope
Consciousness
And finally
Life

A brightly painted
Dinghy found
Water filled
No one around
Where dreams
Have drowned

The tide comes in
The tide goes out
All ask how this
Could come about?
While your boat
At anchor lies
To the current
Tugs on her rode
From side to side
Sound and worthy
The seas to brave
And from backstay
Her colors wave

A boy's will is the wind's will
And the thoughts of youth
Give way to truth
A man does what he can
Through his own eyes
So come what will
And yet your boat lies
Waiting still

[Tim]

Thank You Jim

[w00dy]

Wow. Grog Jim. We should all be so lucky as to be remembered and thought of in our passing. Here's "to bonds formed and experiences shared, no matter the distance apart, we are together in spirit."

[Captain Smollett]

Thank-you, Jim.  That is very touching.

[Frank]

Well written! You "done him proud"

[CapnK]

Well written! You "done him proud"

Agreed, Jim. Thank you.

[jotruk]

very nice and very well written thank you

[s/v Faith]

Wow, that is beautiful Jim.

  I add my hope that I might be remembered as well.

Here is to Keith,  may we all remember and live our lives a bit more fully in tribute.

Grog to all in this thread, a toast.

[Jim_ME]

As I found myself trying to process how profoundly tragic an event this was and what a desperate situation it must have been, those thoughts somehow came together into the poem. I didn't know whether to even post it, but it seemed that for a lament to have any meaning it must be shared, especially within a community that understands why cruisers live the way they do, and sometimes take the risks they do. We all do what we can to reduce those risks, but we of course cannot eliminate them entirely. So in a sense, what happened to Keith could have happened to most any one of us--and perhaps part of what makes it so personal and challenging is identifying with and accepting that.  

Thank you all.
I'm humbled by your kind words.
-Jim

[Captain Smollett]

As I found myself trying to process how profoundly tragic an event this was and what a desperate situation it must have been, those thoughts somehow came together into the poem. I didn't know whether to even post it, but it seemed that for a lament to have any meaning it must be shared, especially within a community that understands why cruisers live the way they do, and sometimes take the risks they do. We all do what we can to reduce those risks, but we of course cannot eliminate them entirely. So in a sense, what happened to Keith could have happened to most any one of us--and perhaps part of what makes it so personal and challenging is identifying with and accepting that.  

Thank you all.
I'm humbled by your kind words.
-Jim

Another point you have reminded us about, too, if I may, and I thought about this a little bit when I started this thread.

Keith died living the life he chose for himself.  Your words capture the desperation of the moments you describe very well, but they also ring with a foundation of that freedom.  We are saddened by losing him, but at the same time we celebrate his life and the ways he touched us...in person, via the blog, his posts here, etc.

I'm also struck by how his story continues even now.  We are also reminded...we don't know what the next moment, the next step, the next row across the anchorage or the next passage or journey brings.  Our lives, our precious moments, are here and now.

I thank this community for so many things: connections, and even more. So much more.

[CharlieJ]

There's a line in a song by Larry Joe Taylor that fits here-

We don't choose how we die, but only how we LIVE.

Very nice words Jim

[Jim_ME]

Since it is an obscure and local reference (so much so that I am apt to forget why I included it myself...?), I should perhaps share that my father would quote this line to me when I was a boy...

A boy's will is the wind's will, And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.

...telling me that it was from a Longfellow poem, and I now suspect, possibly hoping optimistically that I might someday be capable of a long thought or two myself.

He must have read parts of the poem to me since I remembered that it was about looking back as an old man with nostalgia at his (and our) home town, Portland. So when recycling that refrain myself, I cut it short abruptly, trying to express how Keith had not been given this same opportunity. This was the extent of any deliberate connection, but since writing the poem, grew curious to read it and looked it up today...

It is titled My Lost Youth. Here are a few of the verses...

Often I think of the beautiful town  
That is seated by the sea;
Often in thought go up and down
The pleasant streets of that dear old town,  
And my youth comes back to me.    
And a verse of a Lapland song    
Is haunting my memory still    
'A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.'

I remember the black wharves and the slips,  
And the sea-tides tossing free;
And the Spanish sailors with bearded lips,
And the beauty and mystery of the ships,  
And the magic of the sea.    
And the voice of that wayward song    
Is singing and saying still:    
'A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.'

There are things of which I may not speak;  
There are dreams that cannot die;
There are thoughts that make the strong heart weak,
And bring a pallor into the cheek,  
And a mist before the eye.    
And the words of that fatal song    
Come over me like a chill:    
'A boy's will is the wind's will,
And the thoughts of youth are long, long thoughts.'


I was surprised to find this very sad verse (in stark contrast to the other verses) which could also have been written about Keith.

And especially his line that...
There are dreams that cannot die...

Could Henry be telling me that if anyone should dare to mess around with even his borrowed refrains--watch out--he may insist on having the last say on these matters, even from 150 years ago?

As you wrote, John...but maybe that now that is all we really have is actually longer than we realize...even the eternal now concept...?

[Jim_ME]

Wow. Grog Jim. We should all be so lucky as to be remembered and thought of in our passing. Here's "to bonds formed and experiences shared, no matter the distance apart, we are together in spirit."

Thank you, Jim. I feel some regret about not fully appreciating Keith's blog--until after he had died. One of those things that you think that you will always be able to do later...read about and eventually even meet that person...

Another reminder of the SailFar mantra to Go small, and go now--or at least don't put it off too long.

I have enjoyed the blog that Rachel and you do, and admire the audacity that you both had to take on such a major project as the Westsail 32 project (and the Nickerson 35 before that), and to do so much work yourselves.

It is inspiring to be able to share these experiences through posts, cruising reports, and blogs, despite the geographic distances.

Thank you, too Charlie. I'll have to look up that song. Again, your restoration of and travels with Tehani are also very inspiring.

Although I got down there to Florida to sail years ago, it has seemed increasingly  distant these past many years. Now when I'm feeling ambitious, I dream about even getting down to Chesapeake Bay, or the Carolinas/Pamlico Sound and the seaports and sights there...and that Keith wrote about. Hopefully visit John and his family, who made it up here to Maine a couple years ago. Maybe get to meet some other SailFarers.  :)

[Jim_ME]

I met Keith for about five minutes.  In that five minutes, I saw a man thrilled to be alive, thrilled to be living on his boat, thrilled to be breathing the fresh air of "outside" every day. I saw a man smile, an animated smile, not a static image captured by CCD or light sensitive CMOS.  I heard his voice and the inflections. I saw the hand gestures, the body language of excitement over being aboard his relatively new-to-him boat.
  I have all the glimpses he has shared with me, and those are only enhanced by having met him in person, even for only five minutes.

I'm glad that you met him, and have shared that experience. It seems and feels like you met Keith on our behalf, and your positive impressions do also affirm and enrich what he has left us in his writings and photos. Thank you, John.  :)